Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
