We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
