i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
