he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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