Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
