So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
