I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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