Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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