Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
