so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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