Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
