oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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