what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
