hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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