I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
