I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
