doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
