I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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