Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
