whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
