He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
