Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize