I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
