She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
