Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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