the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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