I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
