he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
