Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
