that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
