Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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