You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
