me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
