Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
