woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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