good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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