I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
