I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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