You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
