who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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