Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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