just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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