I could make wine with my vomit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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