Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
