..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
