god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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