Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
