I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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