You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
