He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
