i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
