The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize