I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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