I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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