yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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