I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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