I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
