cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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