somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
