I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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