I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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