You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
