it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
