Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
