I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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