Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize