my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
