im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
