I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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